My 2018 (the good & the bad)

2018 was a crazy one. I’ve had people message me saying: “You look so happy and I’m happy for you.” I’ve had really bad times during the beginning of 2018. I’ve really learned a lot this year and it made me realize a lot of things. The most important thing I’ve learned from this year is to take care of my mental health. This ones a long one, so grab something to drink or snack on….or both! 

As 2017 was ending and 2018 was starting, I was in a really bad place mentally. I had just finished up my first semester of Nursing and something related to academics happened that really took a toll on me. I had to take a semester of Nursing school off. I really beat my mental health to a pulp. I didn’t practice self-care. I let all this built up stress and self-doubt grow inside of me and one day, it just all blew up.

I had my first panic attack that caused me to get admitted to the hospital. It has never happened before. It was my first panic attack. It scared the shit out of me. My mom thought I was having a heart attack because I couldn’t’t breathe and was hyperventilating. I was crying profusely and I couldn’t stop no matter how hard I tried to stop. My panic attack lasted for 1.5 hours. It lasted so long that my fingers were cramping and I couldn’t move them at all. All I felt was: pins and needles and not being able to move or control myself. After that night, I have learned to never put my mental health aside. I’ve put aside time for myself and to do things that I enjoy such as: window shopping & going to the gym.

When I was in my first semester of Nursing school during the Fall semester of 2017, I didn’t give any time to myself. All I did was study for hours and hours a day. I was just so focused on my studies that I completely neglected my hobbies. Now, that I have returned to the Nursing program Fall 2018, I did things differently. I studied for at max 2-3 hours a day, and I made sure to do activities I enjoyed to balance everything. Now that the Fall semester has came to an end, I ended up doing so much better than I did in my 1st semester of Nursing. I got a “B” in my Nursing course and a 3.5 gpa for the semester. Also, I am much more happier this time around than before.

2018 also taught me that, not everyone has the same heart/intentions as you. I’ve been taken advantage of by some friends, had some random girl try to home wreck my relationship by telling me some bullshit story about my boyfriend and her, had people judge me at the gym by the clothes I wear, had people give me dirty looks for no reason, etc. The list goes on. Long story short, I’ve learned that it’s okay to say “fuck you”, “fuck off”, and “no” lmao! My whole life, I’ve let people walk all over me; letting people tell me to do this and that, doing shit for people who wouldn’t do the same shit for me, and also people who only stick around because they want to use you for stuff. Also, I’m done with negative people.

No more in 2019. I’ve distanced myself from people whom I felt are not genuine or positive. I will keep things civil between these “people” but, I won’t get too close. I’ve learned my lesson, lol.

Okay, enough with the bad stuff! Let me tell you some great things that have happened in 2018! 

2018 was a year that I have stepped out of my comfort zone. I’ve traveled more, I went to my first pro baseball game, I’ve experienced the whole nightlife/clubbing scene, bar scene, went to my first country concert (Chris Young), went on my first boat ride, got my first ever full body massage, met amazing new friends (you know who you are), consistently making Youtube videos and making money from it, having nice loyal subscribers, I started a website, I’ve started feeling more confident in my body, started doing new workouts at the gym (I have a thing for routine and when I’m stuck in it, I don’t like doing new things out of that routine) and getting stronger. I’ve also handed out candy for Halloween with my boyfriend for the first time! I’m also an Aunt to my beautiful niece Lillian!!!

2018 was a year filled with new things! Bad and good!



Lets see what’s in store for 2019….


I’m going to New Orleans for vacation mid-January! What a great start to 2019 already, right?!





Quick Life Update?

My laptop is literally on 3% and I’m trying to write this post before my laptop dies on me, haha. For the past couple of days, I haven’t been feeling myself. I’m not quite sure why but I just feel numb and emotionless. I have no energy and the activities I enjoyed before, I don’t find them enjoyable anymore. It’s like I just want to be curled up in a ball in bed all day and watch Dynasty on Netflix. Anyways, enough about how I’ve been feeling lately. I got accepted to become a Physiq Apparel Athlete and I have a code for you guys if you want to get some $ off your purchase with Physiq.

Discount Code: “missannalam”

Before this week, I have been going to the gym almost every day with no breaks (I know, I should take breaks but, the gym makes me feel great and its a place I look forward to going to everyday). I’ve been noticing small results and I’m so excited to continue to see progress! I’ve been wanting to write a blog post on some leggings I own and what I think about them? Let me know if you would like that! Or maybe I can make a video on all the leggings I own? Let me know in the comments!

I think that is all that is going on right now!



Living With An Alcoholic?

Let me just say one thing first before I start – It’s hard, it’s exhausting, and sometimes scary.

Living with an alcoholic really takes the energy out of someone. Let me start by saying that, not all alcoholics are the type of alcoholics who are violent, narcissistic, soul-draining, self-esteem draining… just everything draining. We have some alcoholics who drink and just stay quiet, some who drink and can’t stop talking, some who just drink by themselves, some who drink and turn violent, some who drink and turns into a narcissist, and the list continues on. Some people even drink and they still are themselves. I live with an alcoholic who is a narcissist, debbie-downer, and aggressive alcoholic. I am sharing how it went on in my life. I am in no way saying all alcoholics are bad. I am not writing this post for anyone to pity me or feel bad for me. I am not seeking for attention. I am simply sharing how I felt and what I have to go through. If you are someone who lives with an alcoholic, just know you are not alone.

It’s annoying, painful, and sickening. The things an alcoholic says can tremendously impact someones self-esteem. Sometimes, there’s constant banging on the bed room door or maybe a few plates and chairs getting thrown across the house, constant yelling or complaining, negative comments, and etc but, let me just tell you one thing: you are not alone. I experienced first hand the things that an aggressive alcoholic says and does. I’m going to keep repeating this because I feel that it is necessary to say it… stay strong. (This is saying is what kept me sane and motivated to continue with life.)

I know how bad you want to just scream and scream until you can’t scream anymore because of the frustration, the stressfulness, the feeing of being upset, angry, and feeling like you can’t do anything. Growing up, when I shared my experience with other people, they have always told me to just ignore what the alcoholic says or to stand up for myself. It doesn’t work that way. We can’t just ignore what that person says and personally, I have tried standing up for myself but all my efforts and courage goes down the drain because the next night, the same nonsense happens. It might be different for other people because they might be too nervous or scared to stand up for themselves. It’s hard and I don’t think anyone else understand unless they have also experienced it first hand. Stay strong.

Through all of it, keep reminding yourself to stay strong and that things will get better. I understand all of the emotions that you are feeling.

There are many people who live with someone who is a raging alcoholic. Don’t feel like you are the only one. I understand. “We” understand.

Please, if you need someone to talk to- contact me. I am here for you. I will leave a contact form below in case anyone wants to contact me.