2018 was a crazy one. I’ve had people message me saying: “You look so happy and I’m happy for you.” I’ve had really bad times during the beginning of 2018. I’ve really learned a lot this year and it made me realize a lot of things. The most important thing I’ve learned from this year is to take care of my mental health. This ones a long one, so grab something to drink or snack on….or both!
As 2017 was ending and 2018 was starting, I was in a really bad place mentally. I had just finished up my first semester of Nursing and something related to academics happened that really took a toll on me. I had to take a semester of Nursing school off. I really beat my mental health to a pulp. I didn’t practice self-care. I let all this built up stress and self-doubt grow inside of me and one day, it just all blew up.
I had my first panic attack that caused me to get admitted to the hospital. It has never happened before. It was my first panic attack. It scared the shit out of me. My mom thought I was having a heart attack because I couldn’t’t breathe and was hyperventilating. I was crying profusely and I couldn’t stop no matter how hard I tried to stop. My panic attack lasted for 1.5 hours. It lasted so long that my fingers were cramping and I couldn’t move them at all. All I felt was: pins and needles and not being able to move or control myself. After that night, I have learned to never put my mental health aside. I’ve put aside time for myself and to do things that I enjoy such as: window shopping & going to the gym.
When I was in my first semester of Nursing school during the Fall semester of 2017, I didn’t give any time to myself. All I did was study for hours and hours a day. I was just so focused on my studies that I completely neglected my hobbies. Now, that I have returned to the Nursing program Fall 2018, I did things differently. I studied for at max 2-3 hours a day, and I made sure to do activities I enjoyed to balance everything. Now that the Fall semester has came to an end, I ended up doing so much better than I did in my 1st semester of Nursing. I got a “B” in my Nursing course and a 3.5 gpa for the semester. Also, I am much more happier this time around than before.
2018 also taught me that, not everyone has the same heart/intentions as you. I’ve been taken advantage of by some friends, had some random girl try to home wreck my relationship by telling me some bullshit story about my boyfriend and her, had people judge me at the gym by the clothes I wear, had people give me dirty looks for no reason, etc. The list goes on. Long story short, I’ve learned that it’s okay to say “fuck you”, “fuck off”, and “no” lmao! My whole life, I’ve let people walk all over me; letting people tell me to do this and that, doing shit for people who wouldn’t do the same shit for me, and also people who only stick around because they want to use you for stuff. Also, I’m done with negative people.
No more in 2019. I’ve distanced myself from people whom I felt are not genuine or positive. I will keep things civil between these “people” but, I won’t get too close. I’ve learned my lesson, lol.
Okay, enough with the bad stuff! Let me tell you some great things that have happened in 2018!
2018 was a year that I have stepped out of my comfort zone. I’ve traveled more, I went to my first pro baseball game, I’ve experienced the whole nightlife/clubbing scene, bar scene, went to my first country concert (Chris Young), went on my first boat ride, got my first ever full body massage, met amazing new friends (you know who you are), consistently making Youtube videos and making money from it, having nice loyal subscribers, I started a website, I’ve started feeling more confident in my body, started doing new workouts at the gym (I have a thing for routine and when I’m stuck in it, I don’t like doing new things out of that routine) and getting stronger. I’ve also handed out candy for Halloween with my boyfriend for the first time! I’m also an Aunt to my beautiful niece Lillian!!!
2018 was a year filled with new things! Bad and good!
Lets see what’s in store for 2019….
I’m going to New Orleans for vacation mid-January! What a great start to 2019 already, right?!